Friday, January 4, 2013

Waiting for the hammer to fall

So. Feinstein was supposed to present her scary black gun ban to congress yesterday. I went looking for it but the only pertinent legislation I saw was The High Capacity Ammunition Feeding Device Act and the Illinois Lame-Duck Bill.*

I was, however, told (by someone with less maturity than my ten year old) that my status as a gun owner, my name and the location of my residence need to be made public because I am mentally ill.

Then I was equated to convicted pedophiles and told, yet again, that my private information should be made public.

I wonder how long it will be before the ghetto entrepreneurs can download an app, hop in their hoopties and pay me a visit? I’m thinking of baking some cookies and installing a searchlight on the roof so I can shoot a silhouette of the Hi-Point Crosshairs into the sky, just to make them feel at home.

Next I was told that I need to be executed as a terrorist felon and have my guns pried from my Cold Dead Hands. On second thought, scratch the searchlight, it might screw up my night vision when that nutter comes gunning for me. The cookies are still in the running though.

As much as I want the name calling and insults to die back to their normal dull roar, the absolute worst for me was that no matter what corner of the web I looked in, it was already occupied by this:


I’m sure we’ll turn up some sneaky underhanded reason why she wasn’t tripping Boehner so she could beat him to the podium at noon o’clock yesterday, and that it won’t bode well for us mentally ill terrorist felon pedophiles, but I’m almost looking forward to her presenting her bill so this doesn’t jump out at me any more. Almost. Yeesh.


*I have to admit that I’m only 99.92% happy that there wasn’t enough support for it. The other .08% was blown away long ago by idiotic hunters from flatlandia** with no concept of private property or target awareness. Or what a deer looks like, but that’s for another time.

** It’s the land of the fip’s,*** eh?

*** fip;
freakin' Illinois people ~usually referring to crappy drivers of cars from said state, also a generic term for people from Illinois as they lack a good word for themselves (Illinoisian is not a word)

The funniest thing I ever did see was the father of a friend of mine, driving us to FFA and rounding the bend to find a car stopped in the middle of the curve while the driver stood in the other lane snapping pictures of leaves. Einer wasted half his tread to miss them but it took him a good five minutes of angry hand waving before he could squeeze out a “Dat Danged FIP EH?!” and put it back in gear. Then he turned to me with bright red cheeks and said “tell yer mum um surry ‘bout dat.” It was the most eloquent display and longest collection of words I’d heard from him to date.

1 comment:

  1. I grew up in Illinois, and the correct term for a person from there is "Illini", as in "eh-line-i".

    Other than that, you're 100% spot-on!