Ruminations

I started this blog because I have something to share.

It first occurred to me to share my story when A Girl And Her Gun asked for stories from other women. I squashed that urge right quick, but it wouldn’t go away and built into a crescendo until one day she got a huge email out of the blue from someone she’d only interacted with a handful of times. As a tiny example of just how awesome she is, she read every single word, appreciated my sharing it, and was willing to tackle all 8 pages of tangled and snarly thoughts to try and organize my story for her blog.

She’s a go-getter, is our Agirl, and made of very sturdy cloth, but I don’t think it was fair for me to shift such a huge undertaking on to her, especially not when she herself is still coping with the ripple effect her own story is having on her life. I realized that I needed to take responsibility rather than dust my hands off and saunter away as she shouldered the responsibility of getting my story out to the public. I hid nothing in that email and it would be far less painful if I left it in her hands, but that won’t help me make it right in my head. Only I can do that.

A giant purge here would be the fastest and easiest way to get this out but I’m trying my best to figure out how to break it up into chunks to make it easier for me to handle, both emotionally and without disrupting my family and our life. Kids get upset when momma’s crying, and I’m so very not ready for them to know this story. They also insist on being fed regularly, and for some odd reason my pecking away at the keyboard doesn’t satisfy them. Imagine that.

I ask that you allow me to remain anonymous. I don’t have any experience at trying to hide who I am, online or in person, so it probably wouldn’t be difficult to find me. Heck, I’ll probably out myself accidentally somehow, but please respect my wishes.

Rudeness and personal attacks won’t be tolerated, nor will invasions of my privacy. I feel vulnerable enough sharing this and my defenses are up. I probably won’t respond to many comments, but I will read each and every one and I will try to answer questions to the best of my ability.

Thank you.

Here are the posts in the order that they’re being written:

Setting the Stage

Taking Action

Shut Up and Go Away

Ups and Downs

Freedoms

I <3 Guns

The Last Post